Co-Parenting can suck but it IS not about you. Co-Parenting is about your kids and SUPPORTING your kids.
Before we get into this Parenting Tip Tuesday episode here is the link to Mommy's Inside Voice that I mentioned. I feel that Amie's content is fun as well as real as it can get.
I have been told by a judge in family court that my co-parenting skills need more work (he did say this to my former wife too).
On this episode I talk about:
- Communication
- Sit/don't sit
- Taking the high road
Communication is very vital and it can range from using email to a notebook.
When you attend an event for your kids (bonus kids too) where do you sit? Do you sit with your fomer or far, far away? There are some families who have no issue sitting all together. Is that normal?
UGH!! I am trying to do more meditation to help me with learning to be calmer. The mental game of taking the high road is tricky. One day this whole high road thing for me will come together. One day...
Executive producer and host of the podcast Blending The Family where you can find on Stitcher Radio, ITunes and IHeart Radio. Tommy has spoken at TEDx, Ignite Fort Collins and Keynote Speaker at Everything Dad Convention. The author of the books "25 Tips For Divorced Dads.” “Why not you, Why Not Me” and His new book “My Dad’s Advice At 5:04 AM” is coming out in 2018. Tommy enjoys a good red blend while writing or hiding from the family. A dad to Betsy, Becca, Connor, Duke and husband to Ann. You can connect with Tommy at the website Blending The Family.Com
On October 8th I did not realize that everyday of that week would be a great day. Here is the run down of each day from that week:
- Sunday had wings with my wife Ann. It was an unscheduled date night because we still did not have a functioning stove. We sat there talking and just enjoying each others companionship. There was some very honest conversation that made at one point a bit awkward but we got through it.
- Monday as our Colorado weather shifted to snow, I had a job interview. Listen as someone who simply wishes they had a profitable business there are still moments of working a “day job.” Still waiting if I have been hired.
- Tuesday morning my son Connor texted me to ask about the job interview. He is my “Guardian Angel” because he helped me get the job interview. Stay tuned for that post.
- Wednesday’s are the days I pick Connor up for his hockey practice. From the time he gets in my car until we leave the rink and I drop him off at his moms’ house it is just magical for me. This is extra time to spend with him.
- Thursday was a interesting day. Not only was I a guest on a local radio morning show but I was hosting my weekly podcast. When you are on both sides of the microphone in one day it does make for a very fun day.
- Friday we had a special dinner event. My wife Ann is a member of Kiwanis and her club was holding their yearly installation dinner for their new board members. Connor and I were able to attend this event to help support Ann. Unfortunately we had to miss our daughter Becca’s volleyball game. The team won and we will get to see Becca play again this week to support her.
- Saturday was hockey day even though Connor did not get the start we all went to his game. Oh and we had wings for dinner after the game.
Then there was Sunday and church. I am not used to having a positive week as the one I shared with you. My days are more like Eeyore with the constant cloud over head. However, the message from our Pastor Tim was a message I had heard MANY years ago but it really sunk in on Sunday. Yes I am a bit slow, OK very slow.
Not 100 percent sure if it was in a book or an audio program that the message was handed to me from Zig Ziglar. Zig was one of the first motivational speakers that came into my life. To paraphrase what he once stated was all about having daily motivation. We need daily motivation to be in a happy mood. Agreed?
Here is how these three pieces of context: My week, Church and Zig Ziglar, all come together.
Why don’t I have more wonderful weeks as I pointed out to you? The reason is that you and I need to believe that good things can happen to us.
Zig preached that to stay positive we need to feed our minds with good books and positive people everyday. There are trends where if we are having a bad day then we reach for a motivational quote or an uplifting video but that should be a daily routine.
James 1:12
12 Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.
Pastor Tim spoke to us at church from the book of “James” whom I learned was the half brother of Jesus. Who knew?
What I took away from the Bible passage was very similar of what Zig says of being a positive person. What the James passage means to me is that we need to have faith daily not just on Sunday’s.
The original post was going to be very different. Very different. Please try not to freak out when I tell you that the post was a note. This note was written a few weeks ago when my depression was at it’s low of low (understand what type of note?).
On the outside my demeanor is being positive but on the inside, Eeyore.
Believe me when you read this that I am very self-aware that everyday is not going to be rainbows and Unicorns who are pooping out Skittles.
A friend of mine described his depression as fog rolling in and out, somewhat back to normal. That is how at times my depression is too.
My thought process is just to heed the advice of Zig and Tim. We need daily positive, inspirational, even Biblical messages. Listen, not only should YOU do this daily but find positive content that you can share with your kids.
Sara Blakely is one of my hero’s and no I do not wear her SPANX product. She was very much influenced by her dad. One dad her dad gave her some Dr. Wayne Dwyer cassettes. This was very key to her life because even during a tragedy in her life when a friend of hers was killed, she was able to get through the emotions with positive messages. Another piece to her success comes from sitting at the dinner table and being asked “what did you fail at?” Odd question. However, her dad would ask her and her brother because it taught them that failing is good. Failing will teach you life lessons. Failing will get you to success.
We adults need to let go that life is perfect or that we are going to be a looser every single day. Do not get scared of asking for help. Maybe even praying can help. We all want the good life but watching or listening to what is wrong in “The World” is not going to help you. What you should be focused on is what is going on in “YOUR WORLD.” Does that make sense?
Here is what I am going to put either back into practice or start doing. My hope is that you will take these three tips to heart for your own inspiration.
- Upon waking up to meditate. I have an app on my phone called Headspace. There is both a free and paid subscription and currently I still use the free one. You only need 10 minutes to start your day off in a good way.
- The gym is where I have epically failed or as the kids might say hashtag epic fail. My new practice is to go to the gym and not just show up but workout. Here is the “thing” and that is I just went through two months of physical therapy for my hips and back. I need to be to do daily stretches and muscle toning. 3 days a week can be done.
- Consistently write content. Why is this a positive? I know that my writing is not the best but I am very transparent and want to share my life to hopefully help you or others. Maybe inspire. I know that is a long shot. Anyway, new daily content on a social media platform. Finishing my book would be a another goal that is part of the writing.
For many of you who too suffer from depression these suggestions have been used to help beat depression without medication. I AM NOT A DOCTOR!
Who is with me? Having a great week was just the start of consistently having MORE weeks that are wonderful.
We just need to fill our mind, body and spirit with good things. No more Eeyore.
SHOUT OUTS!!!
Marcus Aurelius Anderson's new book "The Gift of Adversity" comes out this month on October 31 and I wanted to make sure I put that out to you.
WWW.marcus@marcusaureliusanderson.com
Do you like quotes? How about books on quotes? A very good friend of mine Jamila Bryant has her first book out "Quote Junkie Diaries" and it is super cool. Each quote in the book are her own thoughts. Please go to her website and buy a ton of books.
Executive producer and host of the podcast Blending The Family where you can find on Stitcher Radio, ITunes and IHeart Radio. Tommy has spoken at TEDx, Ignite Fort Collins and Keynote Speaker at Everything Dad Convention. The author of the books "25 Tips For Divorced Dads.” “Why not you, Why Not Me” and His new book “My Dad’s Advice At 5:04 AM” is coming out in 2018. Tommy enjoys a good red blend while writing or hiding from the family. A dad to Betsy, Becca, Connor, Duke and husband to Ann. You can connect with Tommy at the website Blending The Family.Com
How do you bond with your kids when you do not live in the same house after a divorce?
That was the question I asked myself.
Creating new and fun ways of connecting with our kids not only builds a family but you are making memories at the same time.
A business coach advised me to do something called "Parenting Tip Tuesday's" and I have done that. I wanted to create maybe a new tradition of my own and that is making the tips into a weekly podcast.
Here is the first one.
What traditions have you come up with that is unique to your family? How were they created?
On this podcast (and past ones as well) I talk about how my son Connor and I had a monthly tradition called "do not make your bed day." Once a month we would not make our bed. Was it silly? Yes. However, it created fun in our house. Such as the time he took off all of the covers off my bed to proclaim "NO MAKING THE BED DAY!"
When a family becomes a blended family there are going to be traditions that each family brings. To really become a family it is vital to not only embrace established traditions but here is an opportunity as a new family create new ones.
After my divorce it was very hard for me to care about the holidays because it was just depressing to even think about. My first Christmas after the divorce (the divorce was actually final on Dec 24) I could not face Connor. Yes it was very selfish of me.
This is why coming up with fun and new ideas might be a better pill then self medicating.
OK enjoy the audio and please let me know on the Facebook page what you have come up with.
https://www.facebook.com/blendingthefamilys/
Executive producer and host of the podcast Blending The Family where you can find on Stitcher Radio, ITunes and IHeart Radio. Tommy has spoken at TEDx, Ignite Fort Collins and Keynote Speaker at Everything Dad Convention. The author of the books "25 Tips For Divorced Dads.” “Why not you, Why Not Me” and His new book “My Dad’s Advice At 5:04 AM” is coming out in 2018. Tommy enjoys a good red blend while writing or hiding from the family. A dad to Betsy, Becca, Connor, Duke and husband to Ann. You can connect with Tommy at the website Blending The Family.Com
On this episode my guest is the co-author of the book "Earn It" Dr. Michael G. Wetter.
Michael G. Wetter, PsyD is also the author of What Went Right: Reframe Your Thinking for a Happier Now. A nationally recognized behavioral health expert, Wetter is a diplomate and fellow of the American Psychotherapy Association and has served on the California State Licensing Board of Psychology.
On the show we discuss:
- What was the "Ah Ha" moment of creating this book with his co-author Eileen Bailey?
- What is social media doing to the "entitled" kids?
- Is Tommy Maloney (your podcast host) a good dad after taking the quiz from the book?
- Why kid's (and maybe adults too) need to learn about failing.
- What does the movie "Harry Potterand the Sorcerer's Stone have to do with "entitlemenr"?
To get in touch with Dr. Wetter you can find him at:
Email: drwetter@drwetter.com
WEBSITE
PUBLISHER WEBSITE PAGE
http://www.hazelden.org/OA_HTML/item/483137?Earn-It!&src_url=itemquest
Executive producer and host of the podcast Blending The Family where you can find on Stitcher Radio, ITunes and IHeart Radio. Tommy has spoken at TEDx, Ignite Fort Collins and Keynote Speaker at Everything Dad Convention. The author of the books "25 Tips For Divorced Dads.” “Why not you, Why Not Me” and His new book “My Dad’s Advice At 5:04 AM” is coming out in 2018. Tommy enjoys a good red blend while writing or hiding from the family. A dad to Betsy, Becca, Connor, Duke and husband to Ann. You can connect with Tommy at the website Blending The Family.Com
Here are three tips from my first book "25 Tips for Divorced Dads." There are a few thoughts on my mind of late I needed to get out.
Tip 7: "Embrace their interest no matter what they are" I read an article about male ballet dancers being bullied. This is my point that NO matter what activity your kids want to do, embrace their passion.
Tip 12: "Respect the rules" SO...This has been coming up both in our household and with podcast guest. The whole keep bedrooms clean. If you did not have that rule from day 1 and are expecting miracles well good luck. If the kids room is not clean enough for you then shut the door.
Tip 22 "Take the high road" This has been a struggle with me of late. Personally my feeling is that not to take the high road means I am not standing up for myself. However there are just times when an email should of not needed to be sent because of anger.
What are your thoughts on these tips? Let me know with an email tommy@blendingthefamily.com
Executive producer and host of the podcast Blending The Family where you can find on Stitcher Radio, ITunes and IHeart Radio.
Tommy has spoken at TEDx, Ignite Fort Collins and Keynote Speaker at Everything Dad Convention. The author of the books "25 Tips For Divorced Dads.” “Why not you, Why Not Me” and His new book “My Dad’s Advice At 5:04 AM” is coming out in 2018.
Tommy enjoys a good red blend while writing or hiding from the family. A dad to Betsy, Becca, Connor, Duke and husband to Ann. You can connect with Tommy at the website Blending The Family.Com